When manufacturers specify stylus life in hours, I wonder what they're smoking. There are too many variables to be able to do this with certainty.

My thoughts exactly. What are they smoking? Can't they invite me some? (Today is 4/20 btw).
Variables:
- Diamond polishing quality
- Diamond quality (is it grain-oriented?)
- Stylus tip shape (and thus, contact surface; and thus, pressure on the groove)
- Vertical tracking force
- Correct antiskating (so both sides of the stylus wear at the same rate)
- Record compound quality (and thus, abrasion)
- Smoothness of surface (does it has cracks?)
- Cleaniness of surface (dust?)